you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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