Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
