Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
