6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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