Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
