he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
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If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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