pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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