What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
