whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
