The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
