my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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