it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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