it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
this is an emotional support booty call
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
