forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
