i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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