Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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