I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize