I'm going to rape someone's good day.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
