I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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