First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i need some magic done to my vagina
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Panties = found
Randomize
