You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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