tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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