what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
