Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
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is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
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Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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