id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
bring money and cleavage
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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