Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
