Where are you?
In a non slutty way
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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