Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
BRING THE BAGELS
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
