I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
