eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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