i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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