I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
