Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
