Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
