Christians are straight up FREAKS
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
