My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
