Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We left an ass print on the piano.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
