peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
