It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I AM VODKA MAN
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
