Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
