I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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