It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
