I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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