Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
