i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
nutella sex= disaster
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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