Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
