Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
