My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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