I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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