I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
