Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
