I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
