So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
