just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
