It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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