We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
