at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
