I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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