I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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