I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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