I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
