so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think I sprained my soul last night
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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