I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i need an iv and a liver transplant
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
