I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Send us your Text From Last Night!
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't get it.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
they're staring at me
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
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