i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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