Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
