i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
