Where did you get a picture of my penis
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
