a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
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Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
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