So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
