your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
