If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
