Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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