so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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