I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
