You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
