Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
