I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Randomize
