Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
