I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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