can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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