Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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