She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This house was built for laser tag.
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he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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