oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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