Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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