Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
