8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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