Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
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I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
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Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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