The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
