he wants to bone in the snuggie
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
